Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan?
→ He got cut off without a scent!

What's a skunk's philosophy of life?
→ Eat, stink and be merry!

What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?
→ A dandy lion!

Why are vampire families so close?
→ Because blood is thicker than water.

Did you hear about the argumentative skunk?
→ He always liked to make a stink!

A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year-old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighbourhood. So the boy stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening.
"A police car has just called at the Hamiltons' house, the Chandlers are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell's are having sex."
Hearing this, the boy's parents shot bolt upright.

- How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?

- Because their kid is standing on the balcony too.

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word "definitely" in a sentence.

Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"

To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants".

What is the best advice to give a worm?
→ Sleep late.

How do you start a teddy bear race?
→ Ready, teddy, go!

A little girl and her mother were shopping. The girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Mommy says "Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life."

The girl then asks, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Mommy says, "That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you are grown up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?" Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything."

The little girl and her mother are shopping again. The girl says, "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." Her mommy is very shocked! She asks "Sweetheart how did you do that?"

The girl shrugs and says, "I just know, and I know how much you weigh. You weigh 120 pounds." The mother is flabbergasted. She asks, "Where did you learn that?"

The little girl says, "I just know, that's all, and I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex!"