Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you call a neurotic octopus?
→ A crazy, mixed-up squid.

Why was the lion-tamer fined?
→ He parked on a yellow lion!

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool!"

"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board?!"

Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Little Johnny's Father asked how much his last date had cost. Little Johnny calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think."

"Well," said his Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening."

"To be honest Dad," Little Johnny went on, "we'd have done more, but that was all the money she had."

What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?
→ A polo bear!

What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?
→ He whale-d

There was a farmer who raised watermelons.
He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says
"Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read:
"Now there are two".

What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line?
→ A drip dry skunk.

How do snails get their shells all shiny?
→ They use snail polish.

What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?
→ How slime flies!