Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Father: You've got 4 D's and a C on your report.

- Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject!"

- I had a funny dream last night, Mom.

- Did you?

- I dreamed I was awake, but when I woke up I found I was asleep.

- Why are you crying, Ted? asked his mum.

- Because my new sneakers hurt.

- That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.

- But they are the only feet I have.

Dick and Jane were arguing furiously over the breakfast table. 'Oh you're so stupid!' shouted Dick.

'Dick!' said their father, 'that's quite enough of that! Now say you're sorry.'

'OK,' said Dick. 'Jane, I'm sorry you're stupid.'

After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car.
"What's the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother.
Johnny replied: "that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home...

I just want her to stay with you guys."

- Father: What did you learn in school today?

- Son: That three and three are seven.

- Father: Three and three are six!

- Son: I guess I didn't learn anything today then!

'Mum,' yelled Johnny from the kitchen, 'you know that dish you were always worried that I would break?'

'Yes dear, what about it?'

'Well your worries are over.'

A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O.K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I can't. Teacher asks, why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to pick me up and pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."

- Mum: Haven't you finished filling the salt shaker yet?

- Son: Not yet. It's really hard to get the salt through all those little holes!