Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

What do young female monsters do at parties?
→ They go around looking for edible bachelors!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Boiler

- Boiler who?

- Boiler egg for four minutes!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Becka

- Becka who?

- Becka the bus is the best place to sit!

What kind of hair do oceans have?
→ ... Wavy hair.

- Fred: Where does the new kid come from?

- Harry: Alaska.

- Fred: Don't bother - I'll ask her myself.

How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed?
→ You wake up wet!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bert

- Bert who?

- Bert the dinner!

A boy from France comes to America. He wants to learn some new words so he goes to the airport and learns "take off." Then he learnes "zebra" from the zoo and "baby" from the hospital. Then he goes home and says, "Mommy, I learned new words today." She says, "Great, honey what did you learn?" He says, "Takeoffzebrababy!"

By Bill Adler

A Teenager is...

• A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number..
• A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast..
• A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.
• Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.
• A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.
• A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license.
• A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study.
• An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.
• A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.
• A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother.
• A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a Michael Jackson concert.
• A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.
• A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.
• A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.
• An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.