Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Candy

- Candy who?

- Candy cow jump over the moon!

This kid walks into the pharmacy:

- I've a hot date tonight, a sure thing, and my buddies said you could fix me up for it.

- What do you want?

- Well, it's a hot date, man. A sure thing? You know...

- What do you want?

- I need some protection, alright??!?!

- What size?

- Size? I dunno... Whatever is considered average I guess.

- That'll be $2.35 including tax.

- Tacks?! Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!

While critiquing a survey instrument intended for mothers of infants less than one year old, I came across the following question:

Have you ever breast fed your baby?
a) Yes...
b) No...
c) Don't know

"Don't know"? Huh?

- Teacher: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday?

- Jack: 7 years old

- Teacher: How old are you going to be on your next birthday?

- Jack: 9 years old

- Teacher: That's impossible!

- Jack: No it's not. I'm 8 today.

- Teacher: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.

- Mike: Here it is !

- Teacher: Good. Now class, who discovered America?

- Class: Mike !!!

- Teacher: Didn't you promise to behave?

- Student: Yes sir.

- Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?

- Student: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.

- Cool Student: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do?

- Teacher: No.

- Cool Student: Good 'cos I didn't do my homework.

- Teacher: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.

- Alfred: Me !!!

- Teacher: Are you chewing gum?

- Billy: No. I'm Billy Anderson.

- Teacher: In this box I have a 10-foot snake.

- Student: You can't fool me teacher ! Snakes don't have feet !!!

- Hygiene Teacher: How do you prevent deseases from biting insects?

- Willy: Don't bite any.

- Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence using the word 'I'

- Ellen: I is....

- Teacher: No Ellen always use "I am".

- Ellen: Oh, alright. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
→ Batminton.

What's a monsters favorite play?
→ Romeo and Ghouliet

What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein's monster?
→ HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.

- FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes.

- BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My sister's tongue is so long, she can lick an envelope after she's posted it.

If storks bring human babies, what bring monster babies?
→ Cranes.

A very tall monster with several arms and legs, all of different lengths, went into a tailor's shop.

'I'd like to see a suit that will fit me,' he told the tailor.

'So would I, sir,' said the tailor. 'So would I.'