Random joke from this category
Reasons computers must be male
A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING:
I'M HUNGRY.
→ I'm hungry.
I'M SLEEPY.
→ I'm sleepy.
I'M TIRED.
→ I'm tired.
I'VE GOTTA GO.
→ Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.
WHAT'S WRONG?
→ I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.
WHAT'S WRONG?
→ What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
→ I liked it better before.
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
→ $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
→ For $50 they should have GIVEN YOU hair!
LET'S TALK, HONEY.
→ I'm trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person, and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
→ I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
→ I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks.
Three Things Women Can Do That Men Can't:
Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Women Fall Catalogue
Once again, the male staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for women of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
Two fags were walking down the street and passed a handsome guy. One fag turned to the other and said, "See that stud there, Bruce?"
"Sure."
"Well, let me tell you, he's a tremendous fuck!"
"No shit?" Bruce asked.
"Well, hardly any."
Two fags are on a picnic, and the first guy says, "I have to take a dumpski," and he walks into the woods to do it. Several minutes later, the other guy hears the first guy crying, "Boo Hoo, I Had A Miscarriage. I Had A Miscarriage." He runs into the woods to see what is going on. When he gets there, the first guy is still crying, "Boo-Hoo I Had A Miscarriage..." He looks down and says, "Don't be silly. You didn't have a miscarraige. You had diarrhea on a toad."
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
→ E.T. phoned home!
Why do women get PMS?
→ THEY JUST FUCKING DO ALRIGHT!?
A traveling salesman's car breaks down, and he walks over to a near by farm. He knocks on the door and the farmer appears. "Excuse me sir, but my car broke down about a mile down the road, and I was wondering if you had a place I could stay, just until morning, and I....." The farmer says, "Well, I can let you sleep in the barn, but you'll have to sleep with my two sons...." The salesman says, "Sons! I must be in the wrong joke!"
A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink." So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, "What's the name of your penis?" The guy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis." So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says, "TIMEX." The guy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!" A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a fruity margarita, "So, what do you call your penis?" The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because quality is Job 1", he then ads, "Have you driven a Ford lately?" Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer." The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?" The guy says, "because it's strong enough for a man but made for a woman!"
