Gender Jokes — most viewed jokes

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?

Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?!

BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

I'm sorry...what did you ask me?

Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to find out whether computer is male or female: one group was male, and the other group was female.

The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as "HE" because:

1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model.

The group of men reported that computers should be refered to as "SHE" because:

1. No one but the creator understands their logic.
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

How are men and parking spots alike?
→ The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.

What's the difference between women and men?
→ One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman

• A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
• A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
• When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
• A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.
• A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
• A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.

Then, one of them got an idea, saying "I know, let's play swords!"

"Play swords?" asked the other. "How?" "Simple. Whip it out, smack it till it's hard, and we both whack 'em together like swords."

So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smacking their dicks together playing swords.

Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions.

"We're playing swords!" yelled one of the bums.

The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becoming exhausted. "I'm tired," he said. He bent over saying, "kill me!, kill me!!"

Why is psycho-analysis so much easier for men rather than women?
→ Because when it comes time to revert to childhood, men are already there.

What's a man's idea of housework?
→ Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

What do you call two guys in a sleepping bag?
→ A gay time....

A woman orders a chicken sandwhich and starts to choke.

People are running frantically, trying to figure out what to do. Two homosexuals sitting in the corner wisper to each other and run in front of the choking lady. One strips out of his overalls, bends over butt naked in front of his friend. His friend proceeds to lick the other's ass.

Upon seeing this, the lady vomits forcing the lodged food from her throat. After making sure the lady is OK, the two homosexuals return to their food.

One turns to the other and says, "Wow, that hind-lick manuever really works!"