Random joke from this category
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal.
The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method.
The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
→ He was feeling crummy!
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
→ Nacho cheese!
What's the best day to eat bacon?
→ Fry-day.
An avid line dancing couple go to the doctor for a check up because they are having trouble remembering anything but, all the latest line dances. The doctor finds them in excellent health (of course), but suggests that writing things down may help their memories off the dance floor. That night the husband gets up to go the kitchen and the wife asks for a dish of ice cream, suggesting that maybe he write it down. He says "I don't need to write it down"
She says "Well I want Strawberries on it, so maybe you better write it down" "I don't need to write it down" He says and walks off in a huff. Twenty minutes later he comes back with a plate of bacon and eggs.
"I told you to write it down" she says, "You forgot my toast".
How does a witch make scrambled eggs?
→ She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.
What did they call it when NHL officials refused to allow a hamburger to play hockey in the league?
→ Rink injustice!
A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts.
'Would you like a cherry on the top?' asked the waitress.
'No, thanks,' said the girl, 'I'm on a diet!'
Why are fried onions like a photocopy machine?
→ They keep repeating themselves.
What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog?
→ A hen that lays pooched eggs.
