Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Waiter, there is a spider drowning in my soup!

- It hardly looks deep enough to drown in sir!

- Waiter, I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.

- I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?

- Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass?

- It scares away the flies.

What is red and goes putt, putt, putt?
→ An outboard apple.

- Waiter, this food is repeating on me.

- Good, we love repeat business.

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

For Chocolate Lovers:

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what is wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
→ Because no one wants to quit.

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

- Waiter, there is a cockroach on my steak!

- They don't seem to care what they eat do they sir!

- What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup?

- Probably learning to read.

Why is food better than men?
→ Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.