Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

"Only in America"...

• can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
• are there handicapped parking places in front of a skating rink
• do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke
• do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters
• do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage
• do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place
• do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight
• do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures".

What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
→ Shut the door, I'm dressing!

- Can you make a pig cooler?

- Sure, spray him with a hose.

- Waiter, can you get rid of this fly in my starter!

- I can't do that sir, he's not had his main course yet!

- Waiter, this soup tastes funny.

- So laugh, sir.

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it.

"Two dogs, please," said one.

The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

- Waiter, look at this chicken! It's nothing but skin and bones.

- Would you like the feathers, too?

- May I please have a glass of water?

- Why, are you thirsty?

- No, I want to see if my neck leaks.

- Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!

- Its OK, Sir, there's no extra charge!

- How come this fly is swimming in my soup?

- I gave you too much. It should be wading.