Festival Jokes — most viewed jokes

What is an elf's favourite kind of birthday cake?
→ Shortcake!

Did you hear about the flag's birthday?
→ It was a Happy one!

Last New Year's Eve, one woman stood up at the local tavern and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

It was embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death.

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
→ Because people kept toasting him!

Where's the most dangerous place to go trick-or-treating?
→ On the psycho path!

New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies...

• I will try to figure out why I really need 9 e-mail addresses.
• I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband).
• I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
• I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
• I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
• I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe...
• I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
• When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support."
• When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
• I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
• I will think of a password other than "password."
• I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
• I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er...
• I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!

What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery?
→ A yeaster bunny!

What did the really ugly man do for a living?
→ He posed for Halloween masks!

Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
→ He was having a bad hare day!

What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
→ A birthday pheasant!