Random joke from this category
Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was wrong.
"I'll never understand women" said Joe. "The other night on my birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I wanted."
"Wow! That's quite some gift" said the bartender. "So why are you so dejected?"
"Well I thought about it for a while" said Joe, "and decided to send her home to her mother, and now she won't even speak to me!"
It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and bellied up to the bar. "What will you have?" the bartender asked.
"I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied.
"I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third.
"OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"
A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet over his head.
"Are you here as a ghost?" asked his friends.
"No," he replied, "I'm an unmade bed."
Another boy wore a sheet over his head.
"Are you an unmade bed?" asked his friends.
"No, I'm an undercover agent," he replied.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
→ When it's been sliced.
What do Skeletons say before eating?
→ Bone Appetite.
What do blondes and Jack-O-Lanterns have in common?
→ Both have blank expressions and are hollow inside.
Why did the Vampire get fired from the Blood Bank?
→ He was caught drinking on the job.
Why do ghosts have so much trouble dating?
→ Women can see right through them.
Why are Vampires Democrats?
→ They want Gore in 2000.
What kind of clothes do Zombies wear?
→ Decay NY.
Why aren't there any famous skeletons?
→ They're a bunch of no bodies.
What kind of music do Mummies listen to?
→ Wrap.
What do you call a guy turned on by a witch?
→ Scared stiff.
What do you get if you pour boiling water down rabbit holes?
→ Hot, cross bunnies!
Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday?
→ He's trying to age disgracefully!
Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
→ In a cat-alogue!
- Grandma, is it exciting being 99?
- It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.
Did you hear about the dancer's birthday?
→ It was a tappy one!
