Festival Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Cat: What did you get him for his birthday?

- Dog: Pant . . . pant!

- Cat: Great . . . he needs a pair of pants!

- How old were you on your last birthday?

- Eight.

- And how old will you be on your next birthday?

- Ten.

- Oh, I don't think that's possible.

- Oh, yes it is - I'm nine today.

Why did Davy Crockett always wear a coonskin cap?
→ It was a birthday present from his wife!

What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
→ "Hi, Buster."

A black couple we're invited to a Halloween party and were trying to decide what to dress up as.

The wife says, "how about Hanzel and Gretel?"

Nah...they were white, her husband replied.

Ok, how about Raggedy Ann and Andy?

No way! They're white too and have huge ugly freckles!

So the wife tells her husband to think of something since he always has a smart remark for her choices.

So he thinks a bit and then pops up - " I got it! ".

We'll go as Heshey Bars!

"Heshey bars?" replies his wife..."are you nuts!"

Exactly! One with nuts, and one without!

What do you always get on your birthday?
→ Another year older!

What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
→ Mice cream and cake!

Why did you buy me a pair of bunny ears?
→ I wanted you to have a hoppy birthday!

- Mum, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

- No, dear, what?

- A nice teapot.

- But I've got a nice teapot.

- No you haven't. I've just dropped it.

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a hallowe'en party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note. "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint.

A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says: "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monks habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part."

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company a scathing letter of complaint.

The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads: "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a jar of caramel. Pour the jar of caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a candy apple!"