Dumb Jokes — most viewed jokes

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves. They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.

The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands. They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, "Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!"

• Uses thumbtacks to post notes -- on his refrigerator.
• Uses two hands to eat with chopsticks.
• Using a 1S-2D floppy for brains in a world of hard disks.
• Vacancy on the top floor.
• Vacuuming linoleum using a deep-pile setting.
• Vertically-fornicated mind.
• Views mold as a higher life form.
• Warranty expired.
• Was born an acrobat but landed on his head.
• Was born when the planets were misaligned.
• Was first in line for brains, but ended up holding the door open.
• Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
• Was napping in the nut pile the day God was cracking nuts.
• Wasn't abused as a child, but should have been.
• Wasn't strapped in during launch.
• Watches "Beavis and Butthead" to learn vocabulary.
• Watching programs not listed in TV Guide.
• We're all missing cards from our decks -- and different cards, too.
• Went in for repairs but wasn't tightened with a torque wrench.
• Went to the dentist to have his cranial cavity filled.
• When he was compiled they forgot to #include [smarts.h]/[iq.h]/[charm.h].
• When they handed out brains he got the short end of the stick.
• When they said "drain", he thought they said "brain".
• Whole lotta choppin', but no chips a flyin'.
• Wise as the world is flat.
• With one more neuron he'd have a synapse.
• Won't eat eggs because he believes the "This is your brain" ads.
• Would make an excellent illustration in a proctology textbook.
• Wouldn't make any sense if she ever made sense.
• Zero K memory

Why are dumb blonde jokes one liners?
→ So men can understand them.

A blonde wanted to sell her old car, but nobody wished to buy a car with 250,000 miles on it. So, she tells her brunette girlfriend at the salon about her problem, and the brunette suggests she take the car to a mechanic friend of hers, who will turn the meter back by 200,000 miles. The blonde thinks this is a sound suggestion and does so.

About a month later, the brunette sees her blonde girlfriend in a store and says, "Did you ever sell your car?"

"No," says the blonde. "Why should I? It's only got 50,000 miles on it."

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

• She called me to get my phone number.
• She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
• She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
• She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
• She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
• She tried to drown a fish.
• She thought a quarterback was a refund.
• She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
• She tripped over a cordless phone.
• She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
• She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
• She studied for a blood test.
• She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
• When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
• When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
• When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

What did the Polish mother say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
→ "Are you sure it's yours?"

Did you hear about the blonde that...

• Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
• Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years".
• Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
• When asked what the capital of California was answered "C".
• Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
• After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.