Doctor Jokes — most viewed jokes

There was a country doctor who was the only doctor for miles around. He wanted to go on a fishing trip so he called the vet and asked him to look after things while he was gone.

The vet asked, "Is anything happening?"

The doctor replied, "Mrs. Jones is about due, but I don't think the baby will come before I get back. Anyway, if it does, just deliver it. This is her third and the first two went really easily."

The vet said, "okay" and the doctor went on the fishing trip.

When he returned, he called the vet.

- How did things go while I was gone?

- Pretty good.

- Did Mrs. Jones have her baby?

- Yes, it was a 8 pound boy. Everyone's doing fine.

- Did you have any trouble?

- Well, there was just one little problem.

- What was that?

- I had a terrible time getting her to eat the afterbirth!

What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats?
→ You know you need a psychiatrist!

Patient walks into a doctor's office.

- Doctor, people ignore me.

- Next!

A young mother had just given birth to a newborn baby and the nurse was congratulating her when the doctor came in bouncing the baby from hand to hand like a basketball.

"Here's your baby, maam" says the doctor.

The doctor then throws the baby on the floor, hurls it up against the wall, picks it up and twirls it around several times, and then drop kicks it straight out of the 10th floor window.

Totally bewildered, the woman gives out a loud shriek and hollers, "My God!!! What have you done to my baby?!?!!!"

The doctor chuckles a little to himself and says, "April Fools!!! He was already dead!"

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic.

"What's it cure?" asks a member of the audience.

"Nothing we don't already have a drug for," the internist replies.

"Well, what's so miraculous about it?"

"One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times!"

- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a snowman.

- Keep cool!

- I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation, doctor. What are the chances?

- Don't worry, you won't be able to see the difference.

- My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.

- Oh, really?

- Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

After an accident, a woman stepped forward and prepared to help the victim. She was asked to step aside by a man who announced, "Step back please! I've had a course in first aid and I'm trained in CPR."

The woman watched his procedures for a few moments, then tapped him on the shoulder.

"When you get to the part about calling a doctor," she said, "I'm already here!"