Doctor Jokes — most viewed jokes

A man calls the psychiatrist at a mental hospital and asks who's in room 24.

"Nobody" comes the reply.

"Good" says the man, "I must have escaped!"

Death: What some patients do in the end, to humiliate the doctor.

- Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I'm ugly!

- Lay on the couch, face down.

- Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages.

- Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.

- Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.

What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
→ Having your dentist tell you!

This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

- Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.

- Well, give me the really bad news first.

- You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.

- And the bad news?

- You have Alzheimer's disease.

- Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!

- Doctor, my husband tells me my pussy's too big. So I'd like you to tell me if you find it unusual.

- Please, take off your clothes and I'll have you examined.

- (shouting) What a giant pussy!! What a giant pussy!!

- (angry) Did you have to say it twice?!?

- I didn't! I didn't!

A fellow went to the doctor one day and said, "Doc, I have a problem. My penis is red."

Doctor replied, "Drop your pants, let me take a look. Ummm...yes, no problem, we can have you fixed up in no time, $40."

The fellow was impressed. Told his friend of the experience and that he hadn't been to a doctor for only $40 for quite a spell.

His friend said, "Really? I have a similar problem. What doctor did you go to?"

So his friend goes to the same doctor and tells him, "Doc, George recommended you...you've got to help me. My penis is blue."

Doc asks to take a look. "Ah yes... Ummm... Yep, we can take care of it, no problem, $400."

"FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS? Wait a MINUTE! You took care of George for only $40."

"Yes, I did. But George's penis had lipstick on it. Yours has gangrene!"

Two country doctors out in the hills of West Virginia were discussing the population explosion in the world.

One physician says, "Why, Bubba, thiseyer crazy birth thang isa gettin' so bad that perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for ever'body! There'sa gonna be standin' room only on this here planet!"

The other doctor replied, "Heck, that sure oughta slow 'em down a bit!"

A man is talking to the family doctor. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."

The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.

"Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.

Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having MEATLOAF!"