Doctor Jokes — most viewed jokes

What does the M.D. after a name of a Soviet emigre physician stand for?
→ Mentally deficient.

- Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge.

- What's come over you?

- Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small bucket.

- You do look a little pail.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
→ He was feeling crummy!

- The patient: Tell me, is it true that alcohol decreases blood pressure?

- Doctor: Yes, that is true.

- P: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure?

- D: Yes, that is also true.

- P: So, in average, I live normally.

One day this Blonde walked into her doctors office.

"Doctor, Doctor I'm having these awlful pains in my back."

"Well let me take a look."

When the doctor looked he had a look of suprise on his face.

"This is amazing."

"What is it doctor?"

"I didn't know that the new Toyotas had ribbed leather rear seating!"

How many Passive Aggressive P.D. does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Oops. I can't believe I broke the last one. I guess you'll have to sit in the dark.

Everywhere this lady went, nobody wanted to talk to her, no one ever asked her to go out. Guys came up to her and turned away. She wondered why this would happen.

So she went to her doctor and told him what was going on. She thought that maybe there was a problem with her.

The doctor told her he would give her a complete exam. He told her to undress and get up on the table, so she did.

He told her to open her mouth and he checked it. Then he asked her to get down from the table and bend over. He then said to the lady, "I know what your problem is, you have zactly."

The lady then asked, "What is zactly?"

The doctor said, "Lady your mouth smells zactly like your butt!"

A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt.

- Sit down and tell me how it happened.

- Well, I was ironing my clothes when I received a phone call, and instead of picking the phone, I picked up the iron and burnt my ear!

- Okay, I see... But that's one ear - what about the other?

- They called again!!

The top 10 signs your dentist is crazy:

• Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.
• His restrooms are labeled "Bleeders" and "Non-Bleeders".
• Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.
• Does an extensive search for cavities...dental and body.
• He...ummm..licks his tools clean.
• Gets mad when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed line.
• When you come to from being under the gas, he's quick to insist that you wore your pants backwards when you came into his office.
• Wears a necklace made of human teeth.
• Has a grindstone in the office for his tools.
• Insists that a Novacaine shot is something that he'll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.