Doctor Jokes — most viewed jokes

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

- Dentist: $100.00.

- Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?

- Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

- Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep.

- That's baaaaaaaaaad!

An anesthesiologist is a doctor who works in the operating room to delay your pain until such time as you get his bill.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one, but it takes nine visits.

- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a butterfly

- Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!

- Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion?

- Of course, come back tomorrow!

- Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!

- Stick your foot out and trip it up!

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.

- Doctor: What was your dream about?

- Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!

- Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?

- Blonde: I was running in a hall way.

- Doctor: Then what happened?

- Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!

- Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?

- Blonde: Yes it did.

- Doctor: And what did these letter spell?

- Blonde: It said "Pull"

How many Histrionic P.D. does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ "You want me to change the lightbulb? I could burn my hand! I could be electrocuted! I could fall off the ladder and be paralyzed for life! You don't love me anymore!"

A woman went to the doctor and complained that she was suffering from knee pains.
"Do you indulge in any activity that puts a lot of pressure on your knees?" asked the doctor.
"Every night, my husband and I have sex on the floor doggy style."
"I see," said the doctor. "You know, there are plenty of other sexual positions?"
"Not if you want to watch TV there ain't!"