Random joke from this category
- I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking.
- What did he say?
- He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.
- Did that do any good?
- No - I can't get the chocolate to light.
A boy with an elephant on his head went to see a doctor. The doctor said, "You know you really need help."
"Yes I do," said the elephant, "get this kid off my foot!"
Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head?
→ The tomato was in a can.
How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
→ One, but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room.
A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."
- Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
- Doctor: How do you feel?
- Patient: A little down in the mouth.
- Why did you charge me a group rate?
- You've got multiple personalities.
A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
"Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!"
At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
"Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?"
"Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse.
Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?"
"OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse.
- Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?
- Nurse: No. Is it missing?
- Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking
- Do you drink a lot?
- Not really - I spill most of it!
