Random joke from this category
Two buddies get together and decide to go to a whorehouse, one of them tired of doing it with his wife all the time, the other not having it done for a long time. Anyways the married one goes up and comes down and says "My wife is much better." "Allright" goes the other guy, "Let me go try the same woman."
Well he goes and screws the whore, comes than says to his buddy, "You are right man, Your wife is much better."
Why is sex like money in the bank?
→ Because when you withdraw, you lose interest.
Two GIs in the Vietnam war have been stuck in a trench for three days when one needs a shit.
- I can't go in here, it's really going to stink.
- There's another trench over there.
- I'll cover you with the M60... just give me a shout and I'll cover you so you can get back.
- OK.
So the GI runs across while the other fires off the machine gun.
He's waiting 10 minutes... 15... 20... he shouts out:
- Are you OK?... nothing.
Over an hour later he hears his mate shouting.
- Cover me, I'm coming back!
When he jumps back in, his mate says:
- Where the fuck have you been? You've been gone for over an hour.
- Yeah, I know. There's a girl in there, I played with her tits, fondled her arse, turned her round and fucked her from behind!
- It was great!
- You lucky bastard - said the other.
- Did you get a blow job?
- Nah - said the other, disappointedly.
- She didn't have a head.
This one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom.
- Oh yuck!! - she proclaimed as she pointed it out to her new husband.
As he craned his neck to see what it was he looked at her and asked:
- What, they don't use those things where you come from?
- Yeah, but we don't skin 'em! - she said.
One night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit horny so he decided to come down to earth to satisfy his needs. He picked up a good looking woman with a great shape and they went to her apartment. She only had one small problem, she had a speech impediment, but this didn't affect their sex.
They went at it hot and heavy all night long, then in the morning Thor had to leave so he decided he should at least tell her his name, so he said to her:
- I'm Mighty Thor and I have to leave now.
She looked at him and said:
- You're thore I'm tho thore I can hardly pith.
A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock so loudly.
The passerby asks:
- Who's in your upstairs room?
The elderly man replies:
- I can't see how it's any of your business. Since, you must know, my daughter and intended son-in-law are upstairs.
The passerby hands him the used condom and says:
- Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out the window!
One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. Lastly he told nurse to get two small onions from his lunch box as he cannot keep his testis pouch empty.
After that operation he met the same patient in a garden for morning walk.
Being a good doc, he asked his patient how he is feeling now.
He said:
- Doc everything is fine, life is very cool except that whenever I scratch my balls, my eyes start watering.
Man in a pub:
- If you went camping and woke up in the morning with a bloody condom hanging out of your arse, would you tell anyone? - Other man, - Bloody hell, no!
First man:
- Want to come camping?
Two British faggots were standing on Circular Quay looking out over the harbour. One of them pointed to a ferry and asked:
- Elton, what's that?
- That's a ferry-boat, George my love - answered Elton.
- Oooh! - Squealed George:
- I knew there was a lot of us, but I didn't know we had our own navy!
A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love.
- How awful ! - exclaimed the wife.
- Si, but what a great way to spend eternity - added the husband.
