Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's a definition of a gynecologist?
→ Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where most people find pleasure

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car.

The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.

The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing.

- What's so funny? - the bartender asked.

- That damned Pete! - the drunk chortled - He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!

How can you tell if a man is sexually exited?
→ He's Breathing.

How do you break a blonde's nose?
→ Place a dildo under a glass table!

A naive young girl goes into the doctor's office. She says:

- Doc, I'm getting married and I'm a little inexperienced, so I'd like to ask you a few questions.

He says:

- All right.

She says:

- All right... what is that thing that hangs between my fiancé's legs?

The doctor says:

- That's the penis. The male organ, the penis.

She says:

- Okay. And what is that big red knob at the end?

The doctor says:

- That's the glans. The head of the penis, the glans.

She says:

- Okay. And what are those two round things, about twelve inches behind the head?

The doctor says:

- Well, lady, I don't know about your fiancé, but on me, they're the cheeks of my ass.

Jack goes to the doctor and says:

- Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?

After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack:

- Well the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except if you're willing to try an experimental treatment.

Jack asks sadly:

- What is this treatment?

- Well - the doctor explains - what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis.

Jack thinks about it silently then says:

- Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go for it.

A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being uncomfortable.

To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a dinner roll and then returned to his pants.

His girl friend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile:

- That was incredible! Can you do that again?

Jack replied:

- Well, I guess so, but I'm not sure I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!

Who makes more money a drug dealer or a hooker?
→ A hooker because she can wash her crack and reuse it.

A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey.

The priest asks the nun:

- I have never seen a woman's breasts, and at this point it probably wouldn't matter much, so could I see yours?

The nun agrees and shows him her breasts.

- May I touch them?

The nun allows him to. The priest comments sincerely how wonderful they are.

The nun then asks:

- Father, I have never seen a man's penis before, could you show me yours?

The priest drops his drawers.

- May I touch it?

After she fondles his penis for a minute he sports a huge erection.

The priest says:

- you know if I place my penis in the proper place it can give life!

- Is that right - the nun replies?

- Yes - says the priest.

So the nun said:

- Then why don't you stick it up that camels ass and lets get the hell out of here!

There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands andkicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that islying buried in the sand. He pick it up and starts to clean it off.

All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp.

Genie:

- Man, I don't believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for 2thousand years and the first person to come along and find me is afag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can't do it. I won'teven give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will itbe.

The 2 fags are excited about getting their wish but couldn't come upwith what they wanted to wish for on such short notice.

Fag1 says:

- Could you give us just a little time to think about it? Imean one wish we need a little time.

The Genie looks down and says:

- Alright you can take as long as youwant but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I justcan't stand the sight of you two. Whenever youmake me your mind justwish for it and it will done.

At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flys off into the sky.

Well the two fags decide that they will go back to the motel room anddecide on what they will wish for. Once they got back their emotionstook over and they starting doing all that fag stuff. Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busteddown and 6 men in white sheets come in. They grab the fags and throw arope around their necks. Fag1 looks at Fag2 and says:

- You know this might be a good time useour wish.

Fag2 says:

- I already made it.

Fag1:

- What the hell did you wish for?

Fag2:

- Well, I wish that we were hung like two niggers.

They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa.

It's called Genitalia.