Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why don't women have men's brains?
→ Because they don't have penises to put them in.

What does KFC and a woman have in common?
→ Once you're done with the breasts and the thighs, there's still a greasy box to put your bone in.

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel has died of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car.

He opens it and out pops a genie....

But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid sport coat. There's a dog-eared little book in the breast pocket with a blue cover. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this," says the man. "I'm not going to trust a used car salesman!"

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."

POOF

The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, kid, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

POOF

The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says:

"I wish that no matter where I go a beautiful woman will want and need me."

POOF He's turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story?

If a used car salesman offers you anything at no cost, there's going to be a string attached somewhere!

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?"

"Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night."

"That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know."

"Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't," she replied.

What is the one thing you will never hear a man say?
→ Her tits are just too big.

Tad answered the Tennessee State frat house phone.

"Hi," said the voice, "this is Rollie. Come on over, we're having a real wildass party."

"Shit, Ah'd shore love to," said Tad, "but Ah got me a bad case of gonorrhea."

"Bring it along!" answered Rollie. "The way thangs is goin', mah buddies'll drink anythin'!"

A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at "it" for three days straight.

The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else. When his bride woke up, he said, "Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?"

His bride replied, "You show me one more trick with that thing and I'm going home to mother!"

My husband has always taken the time to make love to me in a very romantic atmosphere.

In fact, all our kids were conceived during Miller Lite commercials.

What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
→ They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?
→ "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."