Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

What are the two greatest lies?
→ "The check is in the mail," and "I promise I won't cum in your mouth."

Winnie and Piglet sit on the bank of the river and smoke dope.
A crocodile comes out of the river:

- Hey pals, let me have a whiff.

- Get lost, oh green one!

- Come on guys, just one!

- Go %@~# yourself!

So what would you do? Well, the crocodile swallows Piglet and sits in his place.
Winnie, inhaling, is holding the butt out to Piglet and suddenly sees a crocodile.

- W-ell, it seems enough for you, pig!

What is a four-letter word that ends in 'k' and means the same as intercourse?
→ Talk

What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute?
→ A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful lady.

"May I buy you a drink?" the man asks the lady.

"Sure, but one thing I have to confess before you get intimate is that I was once a man," she responds.

"Whoa! I would have never known if you hadn't told me," the man says shocked, "Well what was the worst part of the operation? Was it when they sewed on those gahoonas?"

"No," she says calmly.

"What about when they cut off your.."

"No," she says hesitantly.

"Well what was the worst part of the operation?", the man asks.

"Well, the worst part has to be when they removed half of my brain!"

Whats the difference between a 90s woman and a computer?
→ A 90s woman won't accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.

Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
→ It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
→ So he can tell if he is coming or going.

They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa.

It's called Genitalia.

For sale by Owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or the best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows fucking everything!