Random joke from this category
A 90 year man finally gets to see a Dr. and the dr. asks him what the problem is, the man says he wants the Dr. to lower his sex drive. The Dr. is taken aback a bit but finally asks the man, just how old are you? The man answers I am 90. The Dr., still a little confused says you are 90, and you want your sex drive lowered? Yes said the man, it's all in my head and I want you to lower it.
Two men are sitting in a pub talking, one mentions that it's his wife's birthday soon and he doesn't know what to get her.
The second man says that he bought his wife a blue Porsche and a red Porsche for her birthday because if she didn't like the blue one, she could have the red one, and vice versa.
The next week, the second man asks the other what he finally bought his wife. He replies, "a necklace and a vibrator."
"Why?" asks the second man.
To which the other man replies, "Because if she doesn't like the necklace, she can go fuck herself."
You know you've been married too long when a "Quickie" before dinner now means a drink.
Whats the difference between a bitch and a whore?
→ A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.
What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't?
→ Her navel.
Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist.
As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch.
The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."
The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."
Why did the condom cross the road?
→ Because it was pissed off.
On the eve of her wedding, the bride-to-be confessed to her best friend that she was worried about her husband finding out that she wasn't a virgin.
"No problem," said the friend. "Just go out and buy yourself a nice piece of liver and put it up inside you just before you have sex. You'll feel nice and tight and he'll never know the difference."
She went ahead and followed her friend's advice.
On her wedding night, she and her new husband went wild. They did it in the tub, they did it on the floor, they did it just about everywhere.
The bride woke up the next morning and found her new hubby was gone and all that was left was a note that read:
Sweetheart, I love you very much. I feel terrible about what has happened. I can't go on after this, and I know now that we can never have a life together.
Goodbye darling.
P.S: ...
Your pussy is in the refrigerator!
A woman comes home from shopping and finds her husband in bed with another woman. The man jumps up and says, "Honey, I can explain!"
"As I was coming home from the golf course, I saw this poor helpless girl on the side of the road. So I gave her a ride and asked her where she was going. She said she had no where to go and hadn't eaten anything in three days. I felt so sorry for her that I brought her home and gave her something to eat.
While she was eating, I noticed she had no shoes so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't use anymore. Then I noticed her clothes were worn, so I gave her one of your dresses that you don't use anymore.
As she was ready to leave, she turned to me and said, 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?'"
What is the best way to hunt bear?
→ With your clothes off.
