Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

How is a penis like fishing?
→ The small ones you throw back, the medium ones you eat, and the larger ones you mount.

Why can't blondes water-ski?
→ When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
→ A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Yo mamma's so nasty, I was havin phone sex with her and I got an ear infection!

A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, "Gimme a chap stick."

The pharmacist asks the duck, "Will that be cash or charge?"

The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill."

The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk, "Give me a box of condoms."

The clerk says, "Do you want me to also put them on your bill?"

The duck says, "Hell no, I'm not that kind of duck!"

A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?"

She was talking to her Preacher one day about this. He said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females. So they put the four parrots together.

So, the females yelled at the male parrots, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?"

One male parrot said to the other, "Put the Bibles away! We've made it to heaven!"

What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
→ Sweet fuck all.

Are birth control pills deductible?
→ Only if they don't work.

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected but still quite horny, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"