Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Clinton doesn't inhale, he sucks

- USE CAUTION! 90% of people are made by accident.

- It's a dog eat dog world... and I'm wearing milkbone underwear!!!

- I break for hallucinations

- My Lawyer Can Beat Your Lawyer

- Blondes Are Not Dumb (the bumper sticker was upside-down)

- DADDY FARTED AND WE CAN'T GET OUT!!!

- IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY DRIVING, STAY OFF THE SIDEWALK!!!

- Nuck Fewt

- ORGASM DONOR

- My child made Student of the Month at Juvenile Hall

- No radio. Already stolen.

- Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.

- So many pedestrians, so little time.

- My other wife is beautiful.

- I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

- Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.

- There is one in every crowd and they always find me.

- I love animals - They taste great!

- I'd rather step in shit than smoke it.

- Unless you are a hemorrhoid - get off my ass!

- On the back of a caterer's truck: "Nobody beats our meat!"

What did God say after creating Adam?
→ I must be able to do better than that.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
→ Put the remote control between his toes.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
→ A widow.

Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
→ They won't stop to ask for directions.

Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
→ So men can be open minded.

How are men and parking spots alike?
→ Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
→ They are all married.

- Wife: Who was that on the phone?

- Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau.

- Wife: What did he say?

- Husband: He asked if the coast was clear...

What is six inches long, two inches wide, has a head on it, and women are crazy for it?
→ Money!!!

What's the difference between a penis and a paycheck?
→ You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

It's your first time.

As you lie back your muscles tighten.

You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid, and you shake your head bravely and mumble no. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-- he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance.

You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel slight trickle of blood as he continues.

He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.

Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.

He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.

He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

Keep reading on below...??????????????????????????

You smile and thank your dentist!

After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

What were you thinkin'?

PERVERT I know what you were thinking!

Which condom would you use....

- Nike Condoms: Just do it.

- Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

- Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

- Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

- Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

- Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

- Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

- Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.

- Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

- Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.

- Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

- New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know.

- California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?

- Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

- KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

- Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.

- Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

- Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.

- The Carl's Jr. Condom: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face...

- General Electric: We bring good things to life!

- AT&T condom: 'Reach out and touch someone.'

- Bounty: The quicker picker upper.

- Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?

- Energizer: It keeps going and going and going....

- M&M condom: 'It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!'

- Chevron: use them? people do.

- Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the border

- MCI: for friends and family

- Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!

- The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter

- Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you are

- United Airlines travel pack: Fly United

- The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before

- Wendy Condoms: Where's the beef?

- Denny's Condoms: $1.99 Grand Slam

- Mazda Condom: It Just Feels Right!

- Maxwell House: Good to the last drop!

- McDonalds condom: Over 99 billion served

- Hewlett Packard condoms: Expanding Possibilities

- Burger King: Have it your way

- Dairy Queen: We treat you right

- AOL: So easy to use, no wonder it's #1

Well, I was interviewing Hillary Clinton the other day, and we came to the subject of her and Bill's sex life. I asked her "Hillary, is your sex life with Bill anything like what he had with Monica?", and she said "Well, close but no cigar."

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language, natch).

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution.

- Honey - she signs,

- Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife:

- Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time.

- And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times

What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
→ They both wriggle when you eat them.