Random joke from this category
The Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party's political stance: A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.
After their love-making session the young bride asks her husband:
- Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?
- Yes, she's dead too!
- Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?
- Yes, she's dead too!
A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest...the grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00.
The boy said:
- Thank you, virgin Father!
The priest replied:
- What did you say?
The boy repeated:
- Thank you, virgin Father!
The priest asked him:
- Do you know what that means?
The boy replied:
- Yes.... tight ass!
Three college students were rapping about who they'd like to be cast off on a desert with. The first one opted for Cindy Crawford. The next one chose Pamela Anderson. The third man chose Virginia Pipeline. "Never heard of her." his companions protested. "Who is she?" "Why she's just the greatest Italian gal of all, making the headlines in the newspaper," replied the third man. "See, here it is on page one: FIVE DIE LAYING VIRGINIA PIPELINE"
A young girl is speaking with her father.
- Daddy, what's that between your legs?
- That's my hedgehog.
- Wow, it's got a massive cock.
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.
After a few minutes he turns to her and says:
- Can I smell your pussy?
The woman looks at him in disgust and says:
- Certainly not!
- Hmmm - he replies.
- It must be your feet, then.
The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm.
- Heavens - she cried. It's my husband! Quick, jump out the window.
The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window, then demurred.
- I can't - he said. We're on the thirteenth floor.
- For heaven's sake - cried the young lady in exasperation. Is this a time to be superstitious?
Did you hear about the queer deaf mute?
→ Neither did he.
There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club ahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said:
- I've never seen you in her before.
The guy says:
- Yes, I'm not from around here. I'm just passing through on my way to find a job.
The owner asks:
- What do you do?
The guy says:
- I write music and play the piano.
The owner, looking excited says:
- REALLY! I have an ad in the paper looking for someone to play my piano. Please sit down at the keyboard and play for me if you're interested.
The guy does and as he plays the piano the owner is in awe of his talent and musical abilities. The owner says:
- You play the piano more beautifully than anyone I have ever heard! What is the name of that song?
The guy says:
- I wrote that song and the name is Two Lesbians Fucking Their Brains Out.
The owner gasps and is taken back. He says:
- My gosh, that's a terrible name for such a beautiful song. Do you know any others?
The guy smiles and plays again. Once more the owner is astounded by this guy's talent and musical abilities. He's almost afraid to ask but he does ask what the name of the song he just played.
The guy answers:
- I Fucked Her All Night Until She Couldn't Take Anymore.
The owner again was shocked. The owner says:
- Ok, you play beautifully and the songs you have written are incrediable. I will hire you, but you have to promise not to tell the name of your songs to the patrons.
The guy agrees.
That night the guy was playing the piano and the crowd was just as amazed as the owner was with this man's musical abilities. After playing two songs the crowd stood up and applauded. The guy was really pleased and stood up to take a bow. When he stood up and faced the audience, it was apparent that his zipper was open and his dick and balls were hanging out.
One of the patrons close to the piano says:
- Sir, do you know your dick and balls are hanging out?
The guy smiles and says:
- KNOW IT, I WROTE IT!
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man.
- What are you doing - he shouted.
To which his wife said to her lover:
- See, I told you he was stupid
