Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you call the temperature between two West Virginians?
→ Relative Humidity

These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. One day Larry said to Joe, "You know man its been a long time since we had some sex so you oughta let me fuck you." Joe replied. "Are you crazy?!!" Larry went on to say, "I promise you that it won't hurt and we'll flip a coin and see who fucks, who first. So, Joe thought about it for a minute and finally agreed. They flipped a coin and Larry won. Still having strong reservation Joe asked, "How will you tell if it hurts or not?" Larry told Joe, "If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I'll stop. But if it feels good start singing." Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed, Moooooooo. Moooooo. Mooooon River......

Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before.

- 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks.

- 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and given a DUI!

- 3rd guy: That's nothing. I was so drunk that on the way home I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed!

- 1st guy: No, no.. you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog.

An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I should tell you I have acute angina. The old man says I hope so, you sure don't have cute tits.

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big tits."

What do jello and a woman have in common?
→ They both wiggle when you eat them.

Little Johnny is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.

Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny."

He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?"

Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."

What's brown and has holes in it?
→ Swiss Shit.

What do the Chinese call a 69????
→ Two can chew!!

This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks, "Whats a failic symbol?"

Doctor says, "You're kidding.."

Girl says, "No! I don't know! Whats a failic symbol???"

Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says, "You see? This is a failic symbol!"

Girl says, "Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller"