Random joke from this category
Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the local bar. One said:
- Heard ya went to the big city Jeb.
His friend replied:
- Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose women' ya always hear about.
- You don't say - said the first man.
- Bet that was costly.
- Nope.
Jeb smirked.
- Kinfolk.
A woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says:
- I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away, but what could "I" possibly do to save the country?
- Mrs. Clinton: Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit...
A Cowboy riding down the trail encounters an Indian laying on the trail with hard on. The Cowboy asks, "What are you doing?" Indian says, "Me tellum time." Cowboy shakes his head, rides on, encounters another exactly the same. Says, "You telling time?" "Yup." "How can you tell time like that?" Indian says, "Workum like sundial, readum shadow." Cowboy, incredulous, rides on. Encounters Indian in trail masturbating. Cowboy says, "Let me guess, you're telling time too." Indian says, "Nope. But me windum clock!"
So one sperm says to the other:
- When do we get to the ovaries?
The other replies:
- Ovaries! We're not even past the throat yet!
One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says:
- Big Chief, no shit.
the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chief should be fine tomorrow.
The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. the next morning the warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says:
- big chief, no shit.
the doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the chief.
The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet again saying:
- big chief, no shit.
the doctor gets annoyed and so gives the warrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief.
The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor (AGAIN):
- Big shit, no chief.
What's another term for cunnilingus?
→ Genital Slurpees.
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him:
- How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!
At this the Texan drawled:
- Well ma'am normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends.
Aspirin makes a great contraceptive. Just hold it between your knees.
For me, penises are a hobby ... kinda like fishing ... The small ones you throw back, the good-sized ones you take home for dinner, and the big ones you mount.
- How'd you get that black eye?
- I called some woman a two-bit whore.
- She punched you?
- Nope. She hit me with her bag of quarters.
