Computer Jokes — most viewed jokes

What did the maths homework website say to the geometry website?
→ Boy do we have problems.

Top Ten Signs You are an Internet Geek...

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.
11. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"
12. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
13. You're amazed to find out spam is a food.
14. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.
15. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.
16. You introduce your wife as "my lady@home.wife" and refer to your children as "client applications".
17. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server".
18. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so "colon-right parentheses!"

And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1. Two Words: "Pizza's Here!"

What did the hypnotist say when he got his own website....
→ Hyp, Hyp Hooray.

- Doctor, Doctor, my little brother thinks he's a computer.

- Well bring him in so I can cure him.

- I can't, I need to use him to finish my homework.

What did Hamlet say when he was thinking of sending a message?
→ To e or not to e, that is the question.

One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look.

An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes "What the hell is she doing?"

An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says, "My stupid computer keeps saying you've got mail."

- Have you seen www.dustbin.com?

- Yes, but it's a load of rubbish.

- Our website should have more colour, more games, more sound!

- Look, what more do you want? Blood?

January 1, 2000

Dear (enter employee name here)

Re: Vacation Pay

Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.

One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay cheque will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.

Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing

What sits in the middle of the world wide web?
→ A very, very big spider!