Computer Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Customer: It says I've performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. Have I done something wrong?

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?
→ Envelopes in the disk drive.

What did the mouse say to the webcam?
→ Cheese.

These are fabricated corporate slogans that would never have made if far if they entered the real world.

Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?"
MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."
Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid!"
Iguana: "The other green meat."
Nike: "Just buy the shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"
Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."
Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes!"
Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"
Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"
Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"

- Tech Support: Which format are the images you send?

- Customer: Rectangular, 15x11 centimeters.

What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98?
→ 3 years

I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you play it forward, it installs NT 4.0!

- Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?

- My right hand.

- Amazing! Most people have to use the on/off switch.

How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ One, to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket.