Computer Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Customer: Hi, I'm supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack it in?

Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

- Computer helpline?

- Everytime I log onto the seven dwarfs website my computer screen goes snow white....

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed...
Oh, wait a minute, he already does.

A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows.
They get out of the car and look at the problem.

The software manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a hardware problem."

The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."

The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship it!"

What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard?
→ Sorry, you're not my type.

One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
→ We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

- You're spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked?

- No, they've always been blue!