Clean Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?
→ I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?
→ Sorry, it was a freak hic!

Why are football grounds odd?
→ Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits!

What do you get if you drop a piano on a team's defence?
→ A flat back four!

Why did the goal post get angry?
→ Because the bar was rattled!

What is the bank manager's favourite type of football?
→ Fiver side!

What part of a football ground is never the same?
→ The changing rooms!

What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?
→ Bring on their subs!

What did the spider say when he broke his new web?
→ Darn it!

What did the slug say to the other who had hit him and run off?
→ I'll get you next slime!

Why do hens lay eggs?
→ If they dropped them, they'd break

- First boy: Are you having a party for your birthday?

- Second boy: No, I'm having a witch do.

- First boy: What's a witch do?

- Second boy: She flies around on a broomstick casting spells.

How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty?
→ The slugs leave a trail on the floor that reads "clean me"!

My dog is a nuisance.
He chases everyone on a bicycle.
What can I do?
→ Take his bike away.

How do snails get their shells so shiny?
→ They use snail varnish!

Where do you find giant snails?
→ At the end of giants fingers!