Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it.

- This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

The first blonde answers:

- That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!

The policeman says:

- Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE.

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her:

- This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says:

- Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!

The policeman angrily responds:

- What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks:

- This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds:

- ...think hard before giving me a stupid answer.

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says:

- Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses.

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

- Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

- Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?

- That's easy - the blonde replied.

- He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
→ She kept throwing out all the "W"s!

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus.

The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The Brunette asks:

- What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!

One of the Blondes from the second team looks up and says:

- Yeah, but you've got a driver!

Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says:

- Hmmm, this person looks familiar.

The second blonde says:

- Here, let me see!

So the first Blonde hands her the compact. She looks in the mirror and says:

- You dummy, it's me!

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ "What's a lightbulb?"
→ One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
→ Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

To a blonde, what is long and hard?
→ Grade 4.

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

- Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

- Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

- ARTERY--The study of fine paintings.

- BARIUM--What you do when CPR fails.

- BENIGN--What yoiu are after you be8.

- CAESAREAN SECTION--A district in Rome.

- COLIC--A sheep dog.

- COMA--A punctuation mark.

- CONGENITAL--Friendly.

- DILATE--To live longer.

- FESTER--Quicker.

- G.I. SERIES--Baseball game between teams of soldiers.

- GRIPPE--A suitcase.

- HANGNAIL--A coat hook.

- MEDICAL STAFF--A Doctor's cane.

- MINOR OPERATION--Coal digging.

- MORBID--A higher offer.

- NODE--Was aware of.

- ORGANIC--Church musician.

- OUTPATIENT--A person who has fainted.

- POST-OPERATIVE--A letter carrier.

- PROTEIN--In favor of young people.

- SECRETION--Hiding anything.

- SEROLOGY--Study of English knighthood.

- TABLET--A small table.

- TUMOR--An extra pair.

- URINE--Opposite of you're out.

- VARICOSE VEINS--Veins which are very close together.

What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
→ A frosted Flake!

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead. She says:

- What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!

One of the blondes looks up and says:

- Yeah, but you've got a driver!