Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

How do you make a blonde's eyes shine bright?
→ Shine a torch in her ear!

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a firing squad.

The commander says:

- READY, AIM

and the brunette yells:

- TORNADO! All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away.

Next, it's the redhead's turn. The commander says:

- READY, AIM

and the redhead yells:

- HURRICANE! Once again all the people turn around to look for the hurricane and the redhead runs away.

Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The commander says:

- READY, AIM

and the blonde yells:

- FIRE! and gets shot.

A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer.

He asks a nearby demon if this is really hell, and what was so bad about the place.

- Well - said the demon - the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the blondes don't!

Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
→ So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
→ So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks:

- Where did you get that?

→ The pig says:

- I won her in a raffle!

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
→ So brunettes can remember them.

What is black and blue and brown lying in a ditch?
→ A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!". She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says:

- I'd like the $99 cruise special, please.

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.

A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.

Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks:

- Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?

The second blonde replies:

- They didn't last year.

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

- Well, what do you want? - he snarled at the blonde.

- I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
→ She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.

- I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.

- Psychiatrist: Don't you have a phone in your car?

- Blonde: That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.

- Psychiatrist: Uh ... How's that working?

- Blonde: Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet.

- Psychiatrist: And why do you think that is?

- Blonde: I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing.

The following sign was posted at a fast food restaurant owned by two blondes:

- Parking for drive-through customers only!