Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church.
He got colt feet

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly:

- Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager:

- Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?

- Yep, that's him - he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused.

- That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?

- Because - the owner replied

- before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.

The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife cried:

- What are we going to do?

- Nothing - said the hunter husband.

- The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.

One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape:

- Why are you reading both those books?

- Well, - said the orang-utang, - I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother.

A bloke walks into a pub with a frog on his head. The bar attendant asks:

- What's that on your head?

The frog says:

- I don't know, it started out as a wart on my bum!

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.

- How is she now?

- She's fine. But, the dog died.

Did you find my horse well behaved?
→ Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!

Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air.

He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole.
Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound.
So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.

The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound.

He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound.

He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him:

- How deep is this hole?

The farmer said:

- Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends.

- Say, have you seen my prize goat?

The man, not wanting to get the blame, said:

- No.

The farmer said:

- Oh well. He can't get far. He was tied to a railroad beam.

Why did the woman take a load of hay to bed?
→ To feed her nightmare.