Random joke from this category
Two guys in a jungle, come around a corner and meet a lion head-on pawing the ground.
One guy ever so carefully reaches into his knapsack and slowly takes out a set of Nike running shoes, never once breaking eye contact with the lion.
2nd guy hisses:
- What are you doing, you can't outrun the lion
1st guy says:
- No, but all I have to do is outrun you!
A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her:
- Hey lady, you are really ugly.
Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her:
- Hey lady, you are really ugly.
Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day she saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her:
- Hey lady, you are really ugly.
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said, "That's not good." and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her:
- Hey lady.
She paused and said:
- Yes?
and the bird said:
- You know.
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying:
- Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy - Either way, you get your dog back!
This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend.
- I know this midget who wants to buy a horse. He has a slight speech impediment, so listen carefully, I'm sending him over.
The Midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.
- A female horth - the midget replies.
So the owner shows him one.
- Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?
So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth.
- Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?
So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes.
- OK, what about the earsth?
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears.
- OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat.
With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's twat, then pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says:
- Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!
What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with a famous French general?
→ Napoleon Bunnyparte!
What did the bird say when his cage fell apart?
→ Cheap-Cheap
What is the Easter Bunny's favourite state capital?
→ Albunny, New York!
Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC?
→ Because it was on old croc.
- Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
- Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir
- Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
- Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
