Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said:

- I'll be ready in a few minutes - she said.

- Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through.

The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing to the ground 40 floors down.

Just then Paul's date walked out:

- Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?

- To tell the truth - he replied - he seemed a little depressed to me.

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
→ If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!

What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer?
→ Mice cubes!

Why did the fish Blush?

Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

Little Johnny's teacher asked him:

- Johnny, give me a sentence using the words, "bitter end" in it.

Little Johnny thought for a moment and replies:

- Our dog chased our cat and he bitter end.

George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil," answers the President. "But sir, what about the mad cow?!!" asks the waiter. "Oh," answers Dubya, "she'll order for herself."

Some cows view each day as the last roundup, others, merely as another opportunity to stampede.

Most cows view the new day as an exciting new opportunity to eat grass and point in the same direction as the other cows.

What do Scottish toads play?
→ Hop-scotch!

What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code?
→ A morese-quito!

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.

- It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell! - said the boy.

- Oh, shit! - said the farmer.

- You've shot the wife!