Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?
→ Scared the hell out of the dog.

What do chain saws and monkeys have in common?
→ They both fuck up trees!

Is there a mouse in the house?
→ No, but there's a moose on the loose!

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Damn", says the ant, "one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

Two cowboys are out rounding up cattle when all of a sudden a heifer takes off and goes wild, the heifer runs into a fence and gets her head stuck. The two cowboys get over to the fence and the one says to the other, "This is too good to pass up," gets off his horse, unzips his pants and starts fucking the shit out of this heifer for at least ten minutes.

When he finally finished he looked up to his partner and asked him if he wants some of it. His partner replied, "Hell yes, that looks pretty good," climbs down off his horse, drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.

What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
→ A dirty kid!

After years of psychotherapy, John no longer believes he is a grain of wheat. However, one day he and a friend came across a chicken, and John was terrified.

- Why are you so afraid, you're not a grain of wheat after all - his friend asked.

John replied:

- You know it and I know it, but the chicken doesn't know it.

Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way thru a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says he sure wishes that sheep were Marilyn Monroe. The other says, "I just wish it were dark."

Wife comes home to find the old man shagging the dog in the front room. "My God Henry", she screams, "I know you've had other woman but this time you've gone too far!" "You may be right" he says, "I think I'm stuck."

Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird?
→ The spread eagle.