Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Would you like a duck egg for supper?

- Only if you quack it for me.

What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
→ Cinderelephant!

Why did the rabbit cross the road?
→ Because the chicken had his Easter eggs!

What is the Easter Bunny's favourite kind of story?
→ A cotton tale!

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

The zoo-keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires.

He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo-keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction.

Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce.

The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling:

- Help, Help me!

but the lion is quick and pounces.

The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says:

- Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?

Little miss muffet... sat on her tuffet... eating her kurds and way.

Along came a spider, who sat down beside her, and said:

- hey, whatsin the bowl bitch?!

An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk-rocker gets on. The punkrocker's hair is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings.

When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says:

- What's the matter old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?

The old guy says in reply:

- Yeah. One time I had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid. . .

What did the alien say when his flying saucer landed in a stud farm?
→ Take me to your breeder!

What squeaks as it solves crimes?
→ Miami mice!

What do you get if King Kong sits on your piano?
→ A flat note.