Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What should you do if you see a vicious dog?
→ Hope he doesn't see you.

How does a lobster answer the phone?
→ Shello?

Why did the viper want to become a python?
→ He got the coiling.

What did the mother snake say to her crying baby?
→ Stop crying and viper your nose!

How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
→ Look for gray hares.

What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a flea?
→ Bugs Bunny!

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.

The old explorer said:

- Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself.

The reporter said:

- Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same.

The old explorer said:

- No, not then - just now when I went 'ROARRRR!'

Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and splat... he flattened the cat.
Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he:

- Pardon me, madame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off....

- Not so fast - says she.

- How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?

The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said:

- He looks like thts - as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.

- Oh no, you horrible man - she replied.

- I meant, what did he look like before you hit him?

At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed:

- Agggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

What do you call a bug that bothers dogs on Halloween?
→ A trick-or-fleat!

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
→ Bamboo.