Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's black and white and turns cartwheels?
→ A piebald horse pulling a cart!

Where is the world's fastest chicken from?
→ Ethiopia!

Why do elephants eat raw food?
→ Because they don't know how to cook!

What's grey, carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill?
→ A get wellephant!

What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland?
→ The Loch Ness Elephant!

What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper?
→ RUFF!

What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg?
→ It eggs-plodes!

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't.

The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks:

- What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?

The dog answers:

- ROOF.

The bartender says:

- Who are you kidding? I'm not paying.

The dogs owner says:

- How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else.

The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks:

- Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?

The dog answers with a muffled:

- RUTH.

With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door.

As they bounce on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says:

- DiMaggio?

What do you call a dog with no back legs and steel testicles?
→ SPARKY!!!

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck...it's probably a duck," and shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.

The next bird flies overhead and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."