Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

When is a black dog not a black dog?
→ When it's a greyhound!

When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs?
→ I prefer to ride on top, but it's very hard getting the horse up the stairs.

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says:

- Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.

So the Doberman says:

- I love liver and cheese.

The Collie replies:

- That's not good enough.

The Bulldog says:

- I hate liver and cheese.

She says:

- That's not creative enough.

Finally, the Chihuahua says:

- Liver alone . . . cheese mine.

What kind of cereal do cats eat?
→ Mice Crispies!

There was this family who lived in the country, and the father took his boy out shooting. When they came back later that day the father put his BB gun on the top of the stove and hurried to the bathroom.

He set it down so fast and hard that it opened and the BB's from the gun went right into mother's spagetti sauce. She had seen the BB's and just figured that they couldn't hurt anyone, so she just served dinner anyways.

Later that night the little girl ran down stairs saying:

- mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt you said the mom. No said the girl. Ok then don't worry it will go away.

Then the little boy runs down stairs:

- mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt she says? No says the boy. Ok then don't worry about it, it will go away.

Later that night the father rushes down the stairs with his pants down:

- honey, honey, I was just up stairs jacking off and I shot the dog!

What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese?
→ Thanks, I'll just have a sliver!

Why are pigs such early risers?
→ Did you ever try to shut off a rooster?

What do you get when you cross a pig with an elephant?
→ A very large animal that knows a lot of jokes.

What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea?
→ Lots of very worried dogs.

How do fireflies lose weight?
→ They burn calories.