Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python?
→ A twenty-foot-long strip-light that can squeeze you to death.

What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese?
→ Thanks, I'll just have a sliver!

- Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?

- Jackie: Nine.

- Teacher: That's not right, you'd have eight.

- Jackie: No, Teacher, I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!

What's a rabbits' favourite car?
→ Any make, just as long it's a hutchback!

What lives in gum trees?
→ Stick insects!

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

Did you hear about the depressed horse?
→ He told a tale of whoa!

Two flies were on a cornflakes packet.

- Why are we running so fast? - asked one.

- Because - said the second - it says 'tear along the dotted line'!

How do you hire an elephant?
→ Stand it on four bricks!

What's as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
→ An elephant's shadow!