Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude?
→ He always said "Neigh"

What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour?
→ A jet propelled elephant!

What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road?
→ Look out for the mice!

Why is a dog with a lame leg like adding 6 and 7s?
→ He puts down the three and carries the one.

How can you tell a dog from a tomato?
→ The tomato is red.

Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat?
→ Cats can't drive!

A man hears a knock at his door, opens it but doesn't see anyone.

He glances down, sees a snail there and being the conscientious gardener he is, tosses the snail across the road, into a field, away from his property.

Ten years go by, and one day the man hears a knock at the door, but once again, doesn't find anyone there when he answers.

He looks down, sees a snail there.

The snail looks up at him, and in a tiny voice demands:

- WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.

After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.

After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

- Dear - she chirped - I think it's time to tell him he's adopted.

What animals talk on the telephone the most?
→ The yakety-yaks!

Why did the pig join a muscle-building class?
→ He thought "pumping iron" was a new juice dispenser.