Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
→ A Lickalotopus.

What flies through the jungle singing opera?
→ The parrots of Penzance!

A lady approaches a priest and tells him:

- Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only say 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?'

- That's terrible! - the priest exclaimed.

- Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female talking parrots in and they say:

- Hi, we are Prostitutes! Do you want to have some FUN?

One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says:

- PUT THE BIBLES AWAY! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he for a long time.

The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying:

- Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?

Father Patrick told the farmer:

- No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal.

Muldoon said:

- I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?

Father Patrick replied:

- Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic.

Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter?
→ He didn't have the hare fare.

- Rabbit: I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I'm all out of carrots. What should I do?

- Friend: Don't worry; be hoppy!

The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had.

He goes up to the girl and says:

- Little girl, I think that it's wonderful that you're doing such a good thing.

The little girl says:

- Thank you, Mr. Clinton. Would you like a puppy? They're Democrats.

Bill declines and jogs onward.

The next day Billy jogs past the same girl and decides to talk to her again:

- You know what, little girl? I think I'll take one of those puppies after all, seeing as how they're Democrats.

The girl says:

- I'm sorry Mr. Clinton, but they're not Democrats any more. They're Republican now.

Bill says:

- They are? How do you know? As a matter of fact, how did you know that they were Democrats at first to begin with?

She says:

- Well, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open.

Why is a cat like a penny?
→ Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.

Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag?
→ They can lighten your load!

What is the most religious insect?
→ A mosque-ito!