Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog?
→ Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just pants!

What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
→ His bark was much worse than it's bite!

What does a clam do on his birthday?
→ He shellabrates!

How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
→ Footprints in the butter!

At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in.

The toad says:

- Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis.

- I've told you animals, I can't help you with any big problems - responds the wizard.

- You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz.

So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad.

- Oh wizard, please help me. I was born without a trunk - the elephant begins.

Now the wizard is infuriated:

- Don't you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!

The elephant responds:

- But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?

- Oh that's easy - says the wizard.

- Just follow the yellow dicked toad!

Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?
→ Webley stadium!

What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter?
→ Deviled eggs!

- My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I'm positive he isn't.

- How do you know he isn't?

- Because I am.

Why don't anteaters get sick?
→ Because they're full of anty-bodies!

What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?
→ A centipede with a wooden leg!