Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
→ Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

Why did the Gorilla fail English?
→ He had little Ape-titude!

One night, after closing time a barman is sitting at his bar minding his own business, when a spectral hound floats in through the door. The barman, being an exceptionally cool kind of guy, asks "Yeah, what do you want?". The phantom hound explains, in a haunting voice, "I've lost my tail...... and cannot rest until a kindly barman stitches it back-on". At this request the barman stands back astonished and says to the phantom dog..... "Sorry, but we don't re-tail spirits at this time of night".

Two parrots are sitting on a perch. The first one says to the other "can you smell fish?".

What bit of fish doesn't make sense?
→ The piece of cod that passeth all understanding!

How did the Chihuahua disappear on the road?
→ It was using a hide-'n-go-seekle!

Which dog looks like a cat?
→ A police dog in disguise.

How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at night?
→ He used a skeleton key.

How did the blonde die drinking milk?
→ The cow fell on her.

A gorilla was walking thru' a jungle when he came across a deer eating grasses in a clearing. The gorilla roared, "Who's the king of the jungle?", and the deer replied, "Oh, you are, Master." The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. Again, he roared, "Who's the king of the jungle?", of course, the zebra replied, "You are, master." The gorilla walked of pleased. Then he came across an elephant. "Who's the king of the jungle?", he roared again, at the elephant. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.

The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, "Ok, ok, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer!"