Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What are ants called when they run away very fast to get married?
→ Ant-elopers.

What is a knight's favourite fish?
→ A swordfish!

What part of a fish weighs the most?
→ It's scales!

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other:

- I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs.

- Odd, but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do - her companion replies.

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward him.

- Two dogs, please - says one.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in oil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers.
Staring at it for a moment, she leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously:

- What part did you get?

What are a parrot's favourite literary characters?
→ Mr Macawber and Pollyanna!

What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit?
→ A rabbit that says, "Ribbit."

What do you call an affectionate rabbit?
→ A tender, loving hare.

Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling?
→ They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth.

Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business?
→ He couldn't get it off the ground.

A warrant officer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said:

- If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said:

- If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.

The warrant officer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out:

- If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.

Again the warrant officer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked:

- What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?

The warrant officer said:

- Look I'm an warrant officer. I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.