Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What goes 'peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'?
→ A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!

Where you you fing a dog with no legs?
→ Right where you left it.

- Girl to Doctor: Doctor, Help! My brother thinks he's a chicken!

- Doctor: How long has this been going on?

- Girl: About a year.

- Doctor: Wow! Why didn't you tell me sooner?

- Girl: Because we needed the eggs!

A woman walks into a veterinarian's waiting room dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit obviously does not want to be there.

- Sit, Fluffy! - she says.

Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.

- I said sit, now there's a good Fluffy - says the woman, slightly embarrassed.

Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and urinates. The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts:

- Darn it, Fluffy, will you be good?!

Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office. As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says:

- Please pardon me... I just washed my hare, and can't do a damn thing with it!

Why is a toothless dog like a tree?
→ It has more bark than bite.

How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end?
→ It was won by a hare!

What world athletic sporting event is held every four years?
→ The Olympigs!

A couple of hunters from Prague are out hunting, and an emormous bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of the hunters.
Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive, trapped in the belly of the grizzly.
The other hunter runs back to town and organizes a rescue party which heads back to the woods armed with torches, guns, spears, etc.

Soon they spot two bears on the horizon and everybody starts shooting at the bear that's closest to them.

- No, not that one - shouts the surviving hunter.

- That's the female.

- The Czech is in the male.

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
→ It stole the show!

- Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing an insect spinning around.

- Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around!